Obscure Indie Film: The Deadly Spawn

The Deadly Spawn is an oddball sci-fi/horror movie from 1983.  I hadn’t seen it myself until just recently.  I’d seen the poster and a few stills, but that’s all.  Fortunately, we live in the age of the internet and YouTube, hence my ability to watch it.

First, I’d like to make sure you realize this is a ‘B’ movie.  The entire budget of this film was a grand total of $25,000.  Yes, you read that right.  Of course, this was in 1983 dollars, but . . . that’s a shoestring budget.  To give you an idea, note that Night of the Living Dead’s budget was $114,000 in 1968 dollars, and that was a tight budget.  And Night didn’t have much in the way of special effects aside from some makeup effects.

Ignore my phallic shape and kiss me.

Second, the late, great Tim Hildebrandt is one of the film’s producers.  Yes, that Tim Hildebrandt.  Lord of the friggin’ Rings Tim Hildebrandt of the Brothers Hildebrandt.of The brothers responsible for most of the LOTR artwork for a couple of decades, not to mention the original poster art for Star Wars.  (Also note that the youngest protagonist and science fiction fanboy in the movie is Charles George Hildebrandt–Tim’s son.)

The Brothers Hildebrandt also did the artwork for the Deadly Spawn movie poster.  Which is pretty damn cool.

Last time I go to that dermatologist.

The plot is straightforward and familiar to any science fiction or horror movie nerd.  A meteor falls in the woods and is discovered by a couple of campers. The toothy spawn from inside the meteor make a quick meal of said campers.  The spawn takes up residence in a rural house’s basement and proceeds to start eating the inhabitants and visitors.  It also releases multiple tiny spawn with oversized teeth and jaws.  The spawn do what evil alien spawn are supposed to do–they try to eat everything they find.

This little piggy went to the SLAUGHTER!

The gore is both graphic and solidly done, especially considering the minuscule budget available.  Interspersing the graphic effects are several cutaway scenes involving what I kind only assume was a squirt gun with stage blood.  The main creature has some nicely overdone dental appendages of sinister design.  It’s no man in a rubber suit.  It’s accomplished with puppetry effects and judicious use of dark lighting, cutaways and close-ups.

The acting?  All I can say is that for a college production, the acting is decent.  Not exactly Shakespearean, but this isn’t exactly Othello, either.  I will say the acting is better than most of the SyFy Channel’s cheese movies.  Which admittedly, isn’t hard.

Feed me, Seymour!

I could go into more plot details, but honestly, you know everything you need to know.  Alien spawn picking off victims.  Deadly game of cat and mouse.  Plucky young protagonist figures out the spawn’s weakness.  Deadly vegetarian food party.  Don’t go in the basement.

Party on.  Go check it out.  It’s available on YouTube for free.  Enjoy.

*- Please note, there is a quasi “sequel” called Deadly Spawn II or Metamorphosis: The Alien Factor.  Apparently it has little to do with the first movie.  I have never seen it.

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Society: A Weird Lovecraftian Movie

Society is a bizarre movie.  Some might quibble with me labeling it “Lovecraftian”, but there are definitely elements that fit.

I saw this thing while stationed in Germany in the early 90s.  A lieutenant and I would regularly swap weird movies with one another to try to ‘out-weird’ the other.  He made me watch Naked Lunch and I made him watch this.  He won.

Society starts out weird and rapidly gets weirder.  The main character Bill Whitney (Billy Warlock) is a member of a rich family in Beverly Hills.  However, he never feels like he fits in either with his family or wealthy society.  Not only is there an odd feeling of alienation, but he catches glimpses of bizarre, body-contorting imagery.  Is it in his mind?  Is he going insane.

Sis is very flexible.

A friend from school gives him a tape of his family in what sounds like a twisted orgy.  When he plays it for a therapist, it’s completely different and normal.  Corpses appear only to disappear when the authorities arrive.  Bill’s obviously losing his mind, right?

Not so much.  This movie was created by Brian Yuzna.  Yes, that Brian Yuzna.  Re-Animator and From Beyond Brian Yuzna.  So you know the explanation won’t be that simple.

It turns out Bill is adopted.  His family–along with most of the upper crust in Beverly Hills–are a different species.  They’re parasitical creatures that (literally) feed off the poor to survive.  Bill was only kept as a sacrifice for his adopted sister’s ‘coming out’ party.

No joke will do justice to this.

If this sounds like thinly-veiled social commentary about class structure–ding!  You’re a winner!  It definitely is.  This is where it somewhat parts from Lovecraft.  Howard would typically have the alien creatures be from inbreeding or from crossbreeding with aliens (The Shadow Over Innsmouth and The Dunwich Horror).  Although I don’t think Howard would have minded this too much.  He didn’t concentrate so much on class as race.

Anyway, the analogy is about as subtle as a nuclear weapon.  Doesn’t matter so much, though.  This isn’t a movie that takes the analogy too seriously.  Plus, it’s incredibly weird

Worse than a Charlie Sheen party.

and surreal.  The ending ‘coming out’ party is not something you’ll be likely to forget anytime soon.  If you thought From Beyond was a mind-scrambler, just watch!

Highlights are the shower scene with sister Jenny (Patrice Jennings,) Bill’s new girlfriend Clarissa (Playboy Playmate Devin DeVasquez,) and Clarissa’s strange, hair-eating mother (Pamela Matheson).

Mmm . . . Devin DeVasquez.

I don’t want to give too much away, as half the enjoyment of this movie is being surprised at how fucking weird some of the elements are.  Did I mention it’s weird?  The final “Party” is worth the price of admission alone.

Go dig up a copy and enjoy.

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Battleship: A Good B Movie

Battleship came out in 2012 and I ignored it.  I thought: “This is a movie based on a friggin’ board game.  No thank you.”  I didn’t get a chance to watch it until 2014.  Surprise!  It’s pretty good.

Don’t misunderstand me, it’s a B movie.  There is no danger of an Academy Award in Battleship’s future.  Taken for all that, it’s genuinely entertaining and not nearly as mind-numbing as Michael Bay’s tripe.  The fact that the writers and director are able to make a decent movie out of the board game Battleship ought to be an award unto itself.  More than that, they somehow shoehorned elements of the board game into the plot without making it seem completely ludicrous.  If someone never played the game and knew nothing of it, they would probably never realize it within the movie.

The gist of the plot is that mankind sends a signal to a nearby star system where an Earth-like planet is discovered.  The aliens respond with an invasion (naturally.)  Five ships are ‘warping’ (or whatever FTL hand wave you want to use) towards Earth when their communications ship collides with a satellite.  That ship crashes into Hong Kong while the other four land in the Pacific.  Three destroyers on a joint training mission investigate the ships.

Onboard the destroyers are two main characters–Lt. Alex Hopper (Taylor Kitsch) and Captain Nagata (Tadanobu Asano).  Alex is every cliche of the ‘wild maverick’.  He only joined the Navy because his brother, Stone (Alexander SkarsgĂ„rd) got him a deal to stay out of jail.  The offending incident occurred when Alex tried a stupid stunt to impress Sam Shane (Brooklyn Decker) and destroyed a convenience store.  Sam is the daughter of U.S. Pacific Fleet commander Admiral Terrance Shane (Liam Neeson).  Liam,  by the way, is completely wasted in this movie.  He phoned in this role and kept checking to make sure his check cleared.

A force field is projected from the mothership, keeping out the rest of the Pacific Fleet.  The destroyers engage the alien ships and two of them are destroyed.  Stone is killed and Alex fulfills the Young Action Hero stereotype by acting stupidly.  Despite that, the lone destroyer escapes annihilation and plays a cat and mouse game with the aliens after sundown.  Unable to find them on radar, they use NOAA tsunami buoys to track them.  This is where they shoehorn the game elements, as the destroyer must fire its missiles blind, hoping for a hit.  It’s actually not as stupid as it sounds.

Meanwhile, Sam is (coincidentally) accompanying a veteran double amputee named Mick Canales (Gregory D. Gadson) into the Hawaiian mountains.  Where (coincidentally) they run into a communications station invaded by aliens.  Coincidentally (nod, nod, wink, wink.)  They discover that they have to take out the aliens before they use the communications station to call for reinforcements.

The last destroyer sinks while destroying the final alien ship, only leaving the mothership.  Without a vessel, the survivors commandeer the USS Missouri (‘Mighty Mo’) battleship at Pearl Harbor.  The ship is essentially a tourist attraction and the destroyer crew isn’t familiar enough with the old ship to pilot it.  Fortunately, several WW2 veterans of the Missouri are onboard for a celebration and help them pilot the Mo.  What follows is easily the best part of the movie, when they fire up the Missouri and engage the mothership.

This all sounds cheesy.  It is cheesy–but in a good way.  The movie uses real veterans like Gregory D. Gadson and the Mighty Mo vets.  Any movie that shows the level of love towards vets that this one does has a warm spot in my heart.

I won’t reveal much more, since I want you to watch this movie and give it a chance.  It’s got heart, even if the brains are a little haphazard.

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Zarkorr! The Invader: A Fun, Bad Kaiju Movie

zarkorr-01Back in 1996 when I was living in New Jersey, a friend and I spotted Zarkorr! The Invader in the local Blockbuster (You youngsters can look that up.)  To be honest, I got it just to piss my friend off since he couldn’t decide on what to rent.  We go back home and watch the thing.  Lo and behold and it turns out to be just as bad as expected, but surprisingly entertaining.  We’re given this gem through a sub-label of Full Moon Features: Monster Island Entertainment.

The plot goes thusly: an alien race decides to ‘test’ Earth by sending a giant monster (Zarkorr) against a champion of their choosing.  This champion is a New Jersey postal employee.  No, I’m not kidding.  The employee (Tommy) is contacted by an alien mental projection that looks like a ‘tiny mall tramp’.  zarkorr-02The aliens chose him because he’s literally the most average man on Earth.  Zarkorr (which has emerged from a mountain on the west coast) is traveling east towards Tommy–to kill him.  Tommy must figure out a way to kill it before it reaches him and kills him. 

Tommy panics and rushes to the local Jersey television station where he sees a ‘cryptozoologist’ (Stephanie) talking about it.  She thinks he’s a nut and he panics, grabs a gun from a security guard and takes her hostage.  Police arrive and it zarkorr-04looks as if Tommy’s going to jail or an asylum.  Fortunately for him, one of the two policeman (George) is a conspiracy nut and believes Tommy’s tall tale.  He helps him escape and Tommy eventually convinces Stephanie he’s not a lunatic.  The three of them spend the rest of the movie figuring out how a postal employee can defeat a 180 foot tall monster.

zarkorr-06Okay, this movie is bad.  One might have a decent Bar Mitzvah with the entire budget.  Maybe.  Zarkorr’s costume design is decent, but the special effects were probably generated with an Amiga.  Cherry bombs are likely the pyrotechnics, and acting varies from acceptable to abysmal. 

Despite all that, I enjoyed the hell out of Zarkorr.  Its strength lies in the humor and silliness of the plot and dialogue.  Zarkorr emphasizes its tongue in cheek nature to hide its meager production values.  Nobody tries to zarkorr-03convince you that you’re watching a serious movie.

Amidst the silliness and one-liners, there is actually a skeleton of a decent plot here.  My fondest wish for this movie is that someone might buy the rights to it and remake it with an actual budget.  With some TLC, it could be the kaiju version of Ghostbusters (1984.)

BONUS ROUND!  Zarkorr’s Theme Song:

 

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