(Originally posted on
Back in 1996 when I was living in New Jersey, a friend and I spotted Zarkorr! The Invader in the local Blockbuster (You youngsters can look that up.) To be honest, I got it just to piss my friend off since he couldn’t decide on what to rent. We go back home and watch the thing. Lo and behold and it turns out to be just as bad as expected, but surprisingly entertaining. We’re given this gem through a sub-label of Full Moon Features: Monster Island Entertainment.
The plot goes thusly: an alien race decides to ‘test’ Earth by sending a giant monster (Zarkorr) against a champion of their choosing. This champion is a New Jersey postal employee. No, I’m not kidding. The employee (Tommy) is contacted by an alien mental projection that looks like a ‘tiny mall tramp’. The aliens chose him because he’s literally the most average man on Earth. Zarkorr (which has emerged from a mountain on the west coast) is traveling east towards Tommy–to kill him. Tommy must figure out a way to kill it before it reaches him and kills him.
Tommy panics and rushes to the local Jersey television station where he sees a ‘cryptozoologist’ (Stephanie) talking about it. She thinks he’s a nut and he panics, grabs a gun from a security guard and takes her hostage. Police arrive and it looks as if Tommy’s going to jail or an asylum. Fortunately for him, one of the two policeman (George) is a conspiracy nut and believes Tommy’s tall tale. He helps him escape and Tommy eventually convinces Stephanie he’s not a lunatic. The three of them spend the rest of the movie figuring out how a postal employee can defeat a 180 foot tall monster.
Okay, this movie is bad. One might have a decent Bar Mitzvah with the entire budget. Maybe. Zarkorr’s costume design is decent, but the special effects were probably generated with an Amiga. Cherry bombs are likely the pyrotechnics, and acting varies from acceptable to abysmal.
Despite all that, I enjoyed the hell out of Zarkorr. Its strength lies in the humor and silliness of the plot and dialogue. Zarkorr emphasizes its tongue in cheek nature to hide its meager production values. Nobody tries to convince you that you’re watching a serious movie.
Amidst the silliness and one-liners, there is actually a skeleton of a decent plot here. My fondest wish for this movie is that someone might buy the rights to it and remake it with an actual budget. With some TLC, it could be the kaiju version of Ghostbusters (1984.)
