Evil corporations in modern media are more ubiquitous than CGI.  If there’s a corporation in a movie or series, you can bet it’s evil.  It will cut corners or have illegal experimentation or create zombie plagues.  It’s a given.  The only quasi-exceptions I can recall are from Iron Man and Batman.

The rest are all EEEEvil!

Now, I’m not saying that corporations are composed of saints.  Far from it.  They’re organizations that have to compete against other corporations and businesses.  This precludes sainthood.  Plenty have done questionable things.

But that’s because they’re composed of people.  People do shitty things to one another.  There’s no oath to be psychopaths when you’re employed by a corporation, however.

Except in Hollywood (which is somewhat ironic considering Hollywood is loaded with corporations).

Why is it Stupid?

The first reason it’s stupid is the most obvious: it’s boring and predictable.

Nobody has to wonder if the Umbrella Corporation from Resident Evil is evil.  They’re the Mount Everest of evil corporations.  They’re so evil they wiped out the planet and still had board meetings about profits (don’t ask me to explain this). Nobody sits in the theater and thinks: “Gosh! I wonder if Umbrella has anything to do with this zombie virus!”  Nobody has to wonder if any of the executive members are evil to the core.

If there’s a corporation in a Hollywood movie, the sure bet is that it’s loaded with evil people

doing evil things.  No nuance or acknowledgement of gray areas.  Just evil.

Profits are Important

The second reason is that the behaviors shown by these EEEvil corporations are self-destructive as well as stupid.

Perhaps you’re unaware of this, but publicly-traded corporations are owned by stockholders.  Typically a lot of stockholders.  From wealthy executives down to mutual funds and retirement pensions.  You know what stockholders like?  A healthy return on their investment.

You know what stockholders hate?  Extreme risks with dubious returns.

So let’s say you’re a shareholder in a corporation.  You get a newsletter describing how they’re putting together a zombie virus and doing illegal experimentation.  Would this thrill you?  Do you think your other stockholders are thrilled?

The upsides?  Well, maybe they don’t get caught and maybe they get a government contract to supply zombie WMDs.  At least, I guess that’s an upside.

The downsides?  The government arresting everyone involved and the stock plummeting into the basement.  Also sued into the Stone Age by people who discover their loved one has been turned into a zombie. Or perhaps global Armageddon.

So as far as a risk/benefit analysis goes, this plan sucks.  It out-sucks a black hole.

Black Ops Budget

“But what if it’s a super-secret project inside the corporation!” I hear you say.

The problem with that is that corporations aren’t the government–they have to actually pay for things.  Anything they do costs money.  Boards of Directors tend to sit up and take notice when a quarter of all profits are redirected to a secret Antarctic base in a dormant volcano.  They also might be curious.

Kinda hard to hide something like that.

(Side Note: How exactly do you create secret evil lairs?  These require tons of equipment and contractors and typically take a long time to build.  How do you keep that secret?)

And buying off people when you have lunatic plans is a spotty solution at best.  Perhaps you might kill the ones who won’t go along, but a series of sudden homicides tends to draw attention.

I won’t say it’s impossible–merely extremely unlikely.  And stupid.

Weakest Links

You also have to employ a lot of people to put together your EEEvil plans.  From janitors to scientists.  Hundreds or thousands of people.  That’s a lot of moving parts.  All it takes is one whistleblower.

Moreover, the people directly involved in your EEEvil plans, will also have to be EEEvil.  Scientists who are willing to do experiments on humans or create deadly viruses or killer robots don’t grow on trees.  Most scientists would rather not risk prison time using their expensive degrees to create carnivorous plant men or something.  They want solid, steady, ethical work.

So what do you do?  Check resumes for evil quotients?  Cruise underworld science bars for lowlife scientists?

It’s stupid.

Did I mention it’s stupid?

No Saints

Look, I’m not saying that the Evil Corporation trope should be entirely retired.  It has some value.  Like I said, corporations aren’t composed of saints.

What I am saying is that turn the anti-corporation volume down.  Have some positive corporations.  Hell, have some corporate heroes (other than Tony Stark and Bruce Wayne).  Corporations do produce virtually everything we have that creates a higher standard of living.  It doesn’t entitle them to a medal, but maybe it doesn’t give license to instantaneous scorn, either.