The Hidden: An Oddball 80s Movie

The Hidden (1987) is an obscure science fiction film starring Kyle MacLachlan after his role in Blue Velvet, but preceding his Twin Peaks fame.  Despite several tropes, the skewed plot line makes it an enjoyable distraction. 

Essentially a warped version of the “buddy cop” genre, Michael Nouri plays L.A. detective Thomas Beck.  Beck pursues and (apparently) fatally injures spree killer Jack DeVries (Chris Mulkey) during the chase.  FBI Special Agent Lloyd Gallagher (MacLachlan) later confronts Beck, saying DeVries is still a threat.

“Mr DeVries, we think you might have a throat infection.”

Meanwhile, in the hospital, DeVries jumps up and attacks a heart patient Jonathan P. Miller (William Boyett).  DeVries pops opens his mouth and out crawls a hideous, slug-like alien.  It crawls down Miller’s throat and takes him over, letting its old host collapse.  Miller runs off to commit more of the random violence in the same manner as DeVries.

After this starts, Gallagher tries to convince Beck that Miller is a partner of DeVries who is every bit as dangerous, despite no criminal record.

You can probably guess how the rest of this goes.  The evil alien continues to jump through host bodies while the authorities struggle to catch up. 

Aliens are teatotallers.

It’s fairly obvious from the beginning that Gallagher is another alien.  MacLachlan does a brilliant job of being “not quite right”.  He conveys a vibe of alien without much scenery-chewing.  Not only his weird questions, but MacLachlan’s deliciously “off” mannerisms.  There’s an especially amusing dinner scene with Beck’s family, where Gallagher gets tipsy.  Bloody hilarious.  My favorite part is when Beck asks him where he’s from.  Gallagher points straight up.  “From up north?” Beck asks.  Gallagher nods.

It turns out Lloyd is an alien “cop” (named Alhague) and the evil alien is a criminal who killed Alhague’s family.  Yes, it’s a cop revenge story.

That’s a damn fine ray gun.

If all this sounds cheesy, it’s actually not.  Or not much.  The performances in this are wonderful, despite the bizarre premise.  William Boyett has a wickedly good time being the heart patient turned evil alien.  His murder spree is both amusing and horrifying.  Of special interest is when the alien possesses a stripper named Brenda (gorgeous Claudia Christian of Babylon 5 fame).  She fondles herself in front of a couple of cops before shooting them with an assault rifle.  This is after she humps a drunken lecher to death.

Claudia’s role is . . . I’m sorry, was I saying something?

There aren’t many special effects in this.  I suspect it’s deliberate–a combination of shrewd writing and budget considerations.  The few that do appear are pretty effective.  The alien slug switching bodies is skin-crawlingly impressive.  I think it’s a case of “less is more”.

MacLachlan’s freaky acting in this is worth it, even if you don’t care about the rest of the film.  Go dig up a copy and enjoy.

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Battleship: A Good B Movie

Battleship came out in 2012 and I ignored it.  I thought: “This is a movie based on a friggin’ board game.  No thank you.”  I didn’t get a chance to watch it until 2014.  Surprise!  It’s pretty good.

Don’t misunderstand me, it’s a B movie.  There is no danger of an Academy Award in Battleship’s future.  Taken for all that, it’s genuinely entertaining and not nearly as mind-numbing as Michael Bay’s tripe.  The fact that the writers and director are able to make a decent movie out of the board game Battleship ought to be an award unto itself.  More than that, they somehow shoehorned elements of the board game into the plot without making it seem completely ludicrous.  If someone never played the game and knew nothing of it, they would probably never realize it within the movie.

The gist of the plot is that mankind sends a signal to a nearby star system where an Earth-like planet is discovered.  The aliens respond with an invasion (naturally.)  Five ships are ‘warping’ (or whatever FTL hand wave you want to use) towards Earth when their communications ship collides with a satellite.  That ship crashes into Hong Kong while the other four land in the Pacific.  Three destroyers on a joint training mission investigate the ships.

Onboard the destroyers are two main characters–Lt. Alex Hopper (Taylor Kitsch) and Captain Nagata (Tadanobu Asano).  Alex is every cliche of the ‘wild maverick’.  He only joined the Navy because his brother, Stone (Alexander SkarsgĂ„rd) got him a deal to stay out of jail.  The offending incident occurred when Alex tried a stupid stunt to impress Sam Shane (Brooklyn Decker) and destroyed a convenience store.  Sam is the daughter of U.S. Pacific Fleet commander Admiral Terrance Shane (Liam Neeson).  Liam,  by the way, is completely wasted in this movie.  He phoned in this role and kept checking to make sure his check cleared.

A force field is projected from the mothership, keeping out the rest of the Pacific Fleet.  The destroyers engage the alien ships and two of them are destroyed.  Stone is killed and Alex fulfills the Young Action Hero stereotype by acting stupidly.  Despite that, the lone destroyer escapes annihilation and plays a cat and mouse game with the aliens after sundown.  Unable to find them on radar, they use NOAA tsunami buoys to track them.  This is where they shoehorn the game elements, as the destroyer must fire its missiles blind, hoping for a hit.  It’s actually not as stupid as it sounds.

Meanwhile, Sam is (coincidentally) accompanying a veteran double amputee named Mick Canales (Gregory D. Gadson) into the Hawaiian mountains.  Where (coincidentally) they run into a communications station invaded by aliens.  Coincidentally (nod, nod, wink, wink.)  They discover that they have to take out the aliens before they use the communications station to call for reinforcements.

The last destroyer sinks while destroying the final alien ship, only leaving the mothership.  Without a vessel, the survivors commandeer the USS Missouri (‘Mighty Mo’) battleship at Pearl Harbor.  The ship is essentially a tourist attraction and the destroyer crew isn’t familiar enough with the old ship to pilot it.  Fortunately, several WW2 veterans of the Missouri are onboard for a celebration and help them pilot the Mo.  What follows is easily the best part of the movie, when they fire up the Missouri and engage the mothership.

This all sounds cheesy.  It is cheesy–but in a good way.  The movie uses real veterans like Gregory D. Gadson and the Mighty Mo vets.  Any movie that shows the level of love towards vets that this one does has a warm spot in my heart.

I won’t reveal much more, since I want you to watch this movie and give it a chance.  It’s got heart, even if the brains are a little haphazard.

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